What Comes Next?
by Enjoyseries
Summary: This story takes place after 'Moonshot' - While Melendez and Lim are figuring out how to keep going on their own now that they are separated, something quite unexpected will shake up their life and lead them to look into the same direction again. It's an AU!
1. Chapter 1

_I've been thinking a lot about starting to write a multi-chapter. I started writing one secretly several months ago, long before I even posted "Lovebirds". But since I wanted to finish writing all the chapters before posting it (to be honest, I tend to give up quite easily on the stories I write, that's why I'm better at one-shots hehe), I ended up taking too long to post it and decided it wasn't a good idea after all.__But when I watched 'Moonshot', I've been hit by a scenario I would very much like to see happening (even though we all know it won't). Anyway, I won't reveal the plot of the story in the first chapter. That would be far too easy, hehe! _

_So, here I am, posting the first chapter of my very first Limlendez multi-chapters story (does what I'm saying even make sense?)_.

_As you could read in the summary (and as you will notice quite soon), this takes place after the episode 'Moonshot'. I've transcribed the break-up scene with more details. __Of course, I don't own the characters or the series. I just think it was important to start from there to settle the rest of the story. It's also not needed to take on board the last episode, as I started writing "What comes next?" before it'd been aired. __Oh, and this story will obviously be an AU._

_Now, less talking! I hope you will enjoy this new journey with me and stick around for a while._

* * *

Audrey had just parked her Ducati in the driveway, along the Tesla. She turned off the engine and took off her helmet. She remained seated on the motorbike for a moment, staring at Neil's front door. What she was about to do wasn't going to be easy and she could already feel the knot in her stomach just thinking of his pleading eyes looking straight at her when she will tell him. She had turned the problem upside down, she had thought about plenty of other options, but the only one that seemed most reasonable to her was by far the most difficult one she ever had to take.

She took a deep breath and got off the Ducati. She walked towards the front door with a slow and resigned step, her face literally showing no emotions. Part of her was screaming at her to turn around, telling her there was still time before she would do the irreparable. But Audrey had always been a woman of reason and she knew she had to go through with it, even though it was gonna break both of their hearts. She rang the bell, and waited a few minutes before Neil came to open the door. As soon as he saw her, he couldn't help but smile and it crushed her heart a little bit more. She noticed he had dropped the suit for a more casual outfit and realized she hadn't even bothered to look at the clock when she decided to drive to his house right after the end of her shift.

"I hope it's not too late." She told him.

"It's fine." He shook his head. "Come in." He stepped aside and let her in. She took a few steps and turned around, waiting for him to close the door. She had deliberately chosen not to go any further and stayed in the entrance. She was determined to tell him what was on her mind, and she needed to put some space between them to make all of this easier.

He walked closer to her, slowly. He could tell something was off but still, he chose to ignore the odd feeling.

"You were right." He admitted, leaning against the glass railing. She raised her eyebrows in surprise. She didn't expect him to say those words, and she thought for a second that maybe things could turn out easier than she had thought in the first place. "It was a crazy surgery."

She sighed, smiling. Of course, he was talking about work.

"Less crazy as I thought. It wouldn't have even happened if it wasn't for you."

"You were right, too." She paused, "I'm not objective when it comes to you. I blew off your concern about the risks because I thought you lost your mojo." Neil walked closer, smiling softly at her.

"Great." He said, grabbing her hands in his. "We're both right. And we found a way to work together, and it helped our patient better off forward."

"Today…" She said. "What about the next time?"

"We won't make the same mistakes." He gave her a reassuring smile. Neil wanted to be enthusiastic and positive for their future. He was convinced they would be able to get through whatever storm they were in, but Audrey wasn't.

"I'm not sure they were mistakes. I think…" She took a few seconds to choose her words carefully, "they might have just been our nature."

Neil remained quiet, and he let her speak. His heart was starting to squeeze in his chest as he realized where the conversation was going.

"I don't think I can give you the unconditional support you deserve from a partner, and the objectivity you need from a chief." She paused again, "and… I don't want to give up on my dream." She looked up at him, with gleaming eyes. Her voice trembled as she fought back the rushing wave of tears. He couldn't believe a word she said. He was confused, and he opened his mouth to say something but no sound came out. It hurt, so much. He knew deep down, no words would ever change her mind right now. She had made her decision, there was no way she was gonna abandon her position as chief of surgery or make any sacrifice that would damage her reputation. She worked too hard during her entire life for that. And in a way, he understood her. They were both competitors at heart; he probably would have done the same thing.

"I love you." She whispered, and he sadly smiled at her. Hearing those words had hurt him more than anything else. He would have wished to hear them in other circumstances, much less desperate and heartbroken than this one. "But it's not enough." She added.

Audrey looked down again, not being able to keep holding his gaze as it was unbearable to witness the sadness in his eyes. She nodded gently, convinced it was the best thing to do.

"Goodnight, Neil." Suddenly, she had a feeling of déjà vu. Almost a year ago she was saying these exact same words to him, carrying hope and love for a brighter future. Today, this future darkened as these words sounded like a tearing goodbye for which neither of them was ready to face.

He felt her slowly pulling away and let go of her hand. Without a word, she walked to the door. Neil was back at her, and neither one of them found the strength to turn around and look at the other. He heard the clicking of the door, meaning she had left and closed it behind her.

Audrey took a deep breath once she was standing on his porch, looking straight ahead. She was relieved she had said what she needed to say, but a part of her had whished he would have at least tried to stop her. The conflicted feelings made her feel unsure about what the future was holding for them, but she preferred not to think about it for now.

That night, when she was finally home in her own intimacy, her walls dropped heavily. Slowly, she leaned against the closed door and all the tears she had been holding desperately until now finally came back again violently. This time, she didn't even try to hold them back and she let herself slide along the door until she sat down on the floor. As she let a sob escape from her throat, she felt her heart ripping apart in her chest. Despite the pain, she kept believing it'd been the right thing to do for the both of them. She was convinced things would get better with time and that they would resume to their respective life without a flinch. This was gonna be easy, right?

If only she knew how complicated things were going to get…

* * *

_To be continued…_

_PS: I will post a new chapter of 'Lovebirds' in the next few days, so stay tuned!_


	2. Chapter 2

Audrey sighed heavily and mumbled a few bad words under her breath as she threw her pen on the pile of paperwork lying in front of her. She leaned into the back of her chair, rubbing her tired face with her hands. She had been stumbling over damn boring protocol documents for hours now; she couldn't concentrate and this was driving her completely nuts. She had trouble admitting it, but she had no idea it would have been this hard. She had spent the last two weeks trying to avoid him whenever she could. She never thought keeping working in the same place with him around and act as if nothing ever happened would affect her that much. But yet here she was, acting like a dumb teenager when she was the one who dumped him.

The situation was slightly getting on her nerves. Breaking up with Neil was supposed to make things much easier and not the other way around, but since that night she hadn't stopped thinking about him. It was even more annoying because she wasn't the type to let her emotions dictate her behavior, she had never been the sentimental one and it didn't look like her for sure. This wasn't the first time she had to deal with a break-up, yet she had never felt so miserable before. When she divorced Kashal, it was certainly hard and not because she had loved him, but because it felt like the biggest failures she'd ever experienced. Throughout her life, she had always turned everything into a challenge, even her relationships. But this time it'd been different, she never considered whatever they had as a game. This time it was so much harder, because she loved him sincerely and it was terrifying her.

Usually, she was good at detaching herself from complicated situations, without letting it hurting her too much. It'd been a defense mechanism she had put in place years ago, after her father left without a word, abandoning her mother and her when she was only 7 years old. She had then convinced herself that keeping people at a distance and keeping control over her whole life would allow her to suffer less and never be disappointed again, and it had worked quite well so far.

Then Neil had entered her life and slowly made his way through closed doors and insecurities. One after the other, he had managed to break her locks and over the years, she unconsciously let him in a little more each day until real feelings took hold. It had been completely unexpected and she couldn't really tell when exactly she had realized she was feeling something much stronger than an attraction to him, though the near-death experience had certainly helped a little. It took them only a few drinks to cross the line and now she almost regretted it. Being vulnerable had never brought her anything good.

When she realized that despite all their efforts they couldn't get along professionally and that it could seriously compromise her place as Chief of Surgery, she started to have serious doubts about the viability of their relationship. She had always devoted herself entirely to her career and always put it first, it was the only thing she had managed to build up in her life and she had fought hard to get where she was now. She had taken blows and had worked through them. Some people would have buckled under, or given up but she had carved a place for herself and made it work. It was therefore out of the question to sacrifice everything for a man. Coming face to face with her supervisor – as if they were calling into the principal's office like two teenagers – hadn't helped and had given her the awful impression of being vulnerable even more and not qualified enough for the position she had recently been offered. She knew that Neil would have never had the courage to make a choice and would have been willing to sacrifice his own career for her, as he had already proved it when he gave up the Chief position for her. This was the reason she took the responsibility to choose for the both of them, and decided to end their relationship before one of them lost their jobs. At first, she was certain everything would be for the better. No relationship, no conflict of interest and no discord. It was, for a few days but she quickly realized that nothing had really changed in the end. They were making some effort to get along with each other despite the fact they weren't a couple anymore, they were both trying to pretend that everything was fine between them and that neither of them had bitterness or regret towards the other but it was getting more awkward with time. They were fucking good at acting and they were maybe able to trick the whole hospital, but not themselves. Breaking up with him hadn't made her feelings less important, quite the contrary. She was lost and didn't know what to do with everything she felt, she wasn't sure of anything anymore but it wasn't her type to go back on her decision, no matter how painful it was.

Despite all her efforts to focus on her paperwork, she could no longer fight the fatigue overwhelming her and she decided it was time to go home, since she was no longer good for anything anyway. She walked through the now emptied of all visitors hospital, thinking of nothing but her nice and comfy bed.

"Dr. Lim!" One of the nurses stopped her when she walked past the nurse station. She stopped and turned to the voice, the woman seemed quite relieved to have found her. "I need you to sign this paper."

"Put it on my desk, I'll sign it tomorrow first thing in the morning."

"I'm sorry, but it's really urgent. I have to send it before midnight today." Audrey sighed and walked towards her. She put her things on the counter and as the young woman handed her the document with a pen, her eyes caught the sight of Neil walking to the elevators. Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed the woman with him and she didn't miss the smile on his face as she talked to him about something she couldn't quite understand from where she stood. She had never considered Brown as a rival before but now that he was no longer in a relationship, anything could happen. Actually, it didn't really matter who would have ended up in Claire's shoes right now because just seeing Neil interact with another woman was hurting her deeply. It made her realize all of this was real, and that she no longer had the right to feel jealous or mad at something quite common. In this moment, she just wished she would have been the one chatting and laughing with him, on their way home.

"Dr. Lim?" The nurse snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Sorry." She mumbled and took the document to sign it. She handed it back to her right away.

"Is everything okay? You look a bit… exhausted, if I may say." The nurse shyly asked. Exhausted was a poor word compared to what she was feeling now.

"I just need a good night sleep, that's all." Audrey knew she was only trying to show some sympathy and did her best effort to offer her a polite smile, but she was really not in the mood to start whatever conversation she had in mind in the middle of the night.

"Ha, we all do!" The nurse snorted, and without adding word Audrey left the hospital with a mind full of confusing thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you all for the kind review. It's always a pleasure to read you. I was inspired by a deleted scene from season 3 to write a small part of this chapter. I wish we could have seen it in the episode! I'm also introducing an OC, who will stick around in the future chapters and have a kind of major role in the events. Enjoy reading!_

* * *

Neil hadn't slept much. For the umpteenth time, he had spent the night tossing around in his bed. He tried to find sleep, but after several hours of nothing he finally gave up and started staring at the ceiling until the early hours. He couldn't think clearly and his mind was a total mess, he knew that if he didn't do something about it soon it would drive him completely crazy. When he threw a look at his clock and saw the red numbers showing 04:45 a.m., he could no longer stay in bed and decided to get dressed for work. If he wasn't going to have a proper sleep, he might as well go to the hospital and make himself useful.

As he entered the lobby an hour later wearing one of his perfect fitting suit, he had absolutely no expectation of running into her. Chance was either a scumbag or a blessing right now, but either way she didn't seem very happy to come across him in the early morning either. She had just walked through the entrance in front of the one he took, with her motorcycle helmet in her hand. She hadn't noticed him right away, but when she finally looked up her eyes met his immediately. They both looked half-surprised and half-embarrassed, as they lowered their pace for a quick moment. They didn't know what to do or how to act and as none of them could decide, they simply kept walking and crossed each other without a word. It saddened him to see where they had gotten to. He had respected her decision to end their relationship, he let her go without even trying to hold her back and he had thought at the time it was the right thing to do. But right now, he bitterly regretted letting things get that bad between the two of them and he was finding this mutual heartbreak more and more difficult to bear. He was miserable. He no longer liked to go home after his shift to find an empty and silent house. He hated going upstairs at night and slipping under cold sheets. He missed her presence, her warmness, her kisses, her laugh,… he was missing her terribly. Hell, he even missed arguing with her and he would have preferred it to ignoring each other like perfect strangers. At least she would have been still talking to him. He didn't know how but he wanted to try something to fix this, even though there was a risk it would make things even worse. They needed to talk, and he was hoping it wasn't too late for that.

He didn't dwell any longer on his heartache and walked straight to his office to fill some papers in before heading to his last-minute scheduled appointment. A few hours later he entered the consultation room, followed closely by Morgan.

"Mrs. Jonhson." He greeted his patient with a big smile on his face.

"Well, look who's here; the most handsome surgeon of the Country!" The old lady greeted him back, in her own special way.

"I told you already, enough with the flattery. It's too good for my ego." He teased her. "Mrs. Johnson, this is Dr. Reznick. She's my resident for the day." He introduced them to each other, and Morgan nodded to the woman in greeting. "Isn't she lovely? It's always good to see new faces." The old lady happily said, and Neil simply smiled in return as he walked closer towards the consultation table.

"Ms. Johnson has already undergone two cardiac surgeries and last year she'd been implanted a pacemaker." Melendez started to explain to Reznick the patient's medical records broadly speaking. "How are you doing?" He then asked the patient. If she had requested an urgent consultation with him, it was certainly not to remember the good old days.

"Well, it may not be a big deal but I'm very tired these days and I'm often very quickly out of breath."

Neil put on his stethoscope and listened to her heartbeat.

"Are you having some palpitations too?" She nodded. "Are you still taking your medication as I told you to?" She didn't say anything, and Neil pulled back to look at her face. She shrugged and smiled at him. "I might forget it sometimes."

"Mrs. Johnson," He sighed," I told you it was very important to stick to your treatment."

"I know, I know. But you know at my age these signs are not very alarming, right?"

"Indeed, it might be nothing. But you and I both know that in your case, we have to take these symptoms very seriously." He warned her gently. "When did the first signs appear?"

"I don't know, I'd say a month or two. It only got worse a few days ago." Neil nodded, and started writing some stuff on her chart.

"I'll have you do a check-up to make sure there's nothing wrong with your heart. In the meantime, you're going to stay with us a little longer than expected." He looked up at his patient, and softly smiled at her.

"Oh, everything's fine with me if it allows me to spend more time with my favorite doctor." She smiled at him, and Neil couldn't help but chuckle. Mrs. Johnson had been his patient for several years, and he had become attached to her in spite of himself. They had developed a kind of playful and caring doctor-patient relationship, even if he tried to keep a certain distance. She was an endearing and fun woman, and he would probably never admit it out loud but she was one of his favorite patients.

"Dr. Reznick, do an ECG, a chest X-ray and an ultrasound. Come back to me as soon as you get the resultats." The resident nodded to him as he handed her the chart. He was about to leave the room and let the two women alone when Mrs. Johnson spoke again.

"Are you still with that tall blonde woman?" He stopped in his tracks as he was caught off guard by the somewhat embarrassing question and turned around. Morgan pinched her lips and lowered her gaze slightly. It might become interesting.

Neil cleared his throat and threw a glance at Reznick from the corner of his eye, before looking back at his patient. "No, I'm not. It's been more than a year now."

"Well, I always knew she wasn't the right one for you." Neil raised an eyebrow to that remark. He didn't know what to say. "But there must be another woman in the picture for you to look so miserable, am I wrong?" He opened his mouth, in search of his words. He sworn he could feel his cheeks getting redder with each second passing by, but he quickly took a hold of himself and got his arrogance back.

"I can assure you there's no need to worry about my personal life. Plus I'm not sure this is the right place to start talking about this, Mrs. Johnson." He said, glancing at Morgan.

"Oh, right. Let's save the conversation for another time. But don't even think you'll be able to get away with this." She pointed her finger at him. "I may be old, but I'm not losing it yet."

"Right," he grinned at her. "Until then, be good with my resident, alright?" The old lady nodded at him, before he finally left the room.

* * *

Audrey just came out of a two-hour meeting with the board and she was relieved it was finally over. She couldn't have stayed another minute without killing one of those arrogant, macho and powerful businessmen who thought they were above the others because they were earning a lot of dough. This was one of the aspects she hated the most about her new responsibilities, yet she had no choice but to comply with them. She only wanted to lock herself in her office until late this evening and finish her damn paperwork that had been collecting dust on her desk for several days already. She'd woken up feeling queasy this morning and had been suffering from a terrible headache since the middle of the meeting, no need to say she wasn't in the mood to be polite to anyone crossing her way. The fact she had come face to face with Neil – who she had been trying to avoid as much as possible in the recent days – when she arrived at the hospital this morning didn't really help to soothe the stress nor the nausea either. Part of her was convinced that karma was taking revenge on breaking up with Neil by making her sick.

Her hopes of enjoying a few hours of break from all the rush were quickly dashed when she arrived at her office. Her assistant informed her that there were two residents waiting for her in her office and she tried her best not to roll her eyes out at her. When she opened the door she found Park, Murphy and Brown waiting quietly for her. The first thing she noticed was the smoking cup Park was holding in his hand. She closed her eyes for a brief moment as she walked to her desk, hoping the smell of what was probably coffee wouldn't get to her in the meantime. She wasn't sure her stomach would make it against any weird smell or sight of food today.

She quickly understood why they were here and she got confirmation when Claire started talking. She tried to ignore the odd feeling in her chest when she crossed the gaze of the brown headed resident, as the memory of last night rushed in her mind and focused on what she was saying instead. The three residents were there to defend their views on the case they were currently treating. The patient had a congenital malformation in the spinal cord and despite all the medical research, Lim had decided it was inoperable at the risk of paralyzing the patient or worse, killing him. But they were far too stubborn to admit defeat so easily, and they had spent the whole night reading scientific journals and the latest medical progress to finally find two completely different methods but which could perhaps lead to a conclusive result. Although she didn't really appreciate the fact her residents were going against her decisions, they were still here to learn and make a name for themselves so she let them explain their theories. She had to admit they were all very convincing and brilliant.

As they spoke, what she feared the most in the first place was slowly happening. She could feel the smell of caffeine started to tickle her nostrils and it suddenly made her stomach turn. She tightened her jaw and focused with all her strength not to let an ounce of disgust appear on her face, but it was hard not to notice her pale skin. She had been looking like shit for days, and if she was convinced it went unnoticed by everyone, this detail hadn't been missed by her residents. However, no one had dared to raise the issue, at least until now.

"Dr. Lim, are you okay?" Park dared asking shyly to his superior.

"I'm fine, go on." She answered feverishly and did her best not to seem too annoyed by the question.

Park hesitated a minute before picking up where he left off. She straightened in her chair, trying to regain some composure and was doing a remarkable job not to lose it in front of her residents. But she could feel Murphy's eyes on her, and she knew that he knew she wasn't as well as she kept saying to everyone. At first she tried to ignore his insistent gaze by focusing on Park exposing his theory, but then she quickly lost patience and glared at him, which caused him to finally turn his eyes away.

After about twenty minutes, Audrey decided to choose Park's approach for the surgery. Although Murphy's idea wasn't bad, it was far too risky at that stage of the disease. All the residents then left Lim's office, expect Murphy who remained exactly where he was.

As soon as the door closed, she couldn't hold it any longer and bent over the trashcan behind her desk. She didn't care that Murphy was still in her office, and even if she did at some point there was no way she could have stopped what was happening. As she was emptying all the contents of her stomach, he seemed so imperturbable and was waiting quietly for her to finish while playing nervously with his hands. When she finally straightened up on her chair, looking even more pale than ever and looked up at him, she saw him still standing in the middle of her office.

"Shaun, what is it now?" Lim asked quite frustrated.

"You really don't seem to be alright, Dr. Lim."

"I said I was fine, it's probably just a bug. Now, if you're done caring about your superior's condition, you have a patient to get ready for his surgery."

"It's not the bug." He affirmed with conviction, "I think you're pregnant."


	4. Chapter 4

I'm so sorry for the lack of updates but as I told you in _Lovebirds,_ I've been sick for days and then busy with work. You'll see, this a short one but I had to cut the chapter in two and didn't know where to split it. I hope you will enjoy it anyway. I promise the next update will be quick!

* * *

_I think you're pregnant. _The words had been echoing in her head since Shaun had pronounced them, and it was still haunting her hours later as she was staring at the white stick she had been holding in her hand. She was sitting on the edge of the bathtub and was quickly tapping her foot on the floor, biting her thumbnail nervously. She hadn't expected her day to end this way. She hadn't even thought for a single tiny second about having a baby, let alone now that she wasn't in a relationship anymore. _This couldn't be… right?_ She thought.

She hadn't believed a word he said at first and sent him off her office, telling him she would have known better if she was indeed pregnant. She had quickly brushed the idea off, but deep down she knew something was off. Despite all her efforts to distract herself with patients and meetings, she failed to prevent her mind from drifting away and as the rest of the day went by, she dwelled on the possibility that _– maybe –_ Shaun might have put his finger on something. Let's say he was right… No, there was no way a young man could have seen it and not her. She was a smart woman, who had studied medicine; she knew her body, she would have recognized the signs of pregnancy right away. That was absurd. She had convinced herself she couldn't have missed it, reviewed all the symptoms she had been having and found a probable cause for each one of them. And then, that's when it hit her.

_Fuck._

Panic had instantly rushed in and her thoughts had started racing in her head. Her life had been such chaotic lately. She'd been infected by a mortal virus and had almost died during the quarantine. She had started a relationship with her longtime friend and colleague – who had been her opponent for the position of Chief of surgery – and ended up with the job. She then had to deal with the implications and all the responsibilities it implied, realized she couldn't separate her job from her relationship and finally decided to break up with the man she loved. And above all, she had been so focused on her work to try forgetting about Neil that she hadn't even noticed it until now. How could have she missed it?

_I'm late._

That's how she ended up walking around the pregnancy test section at the nearest supermarket that night. And even then when she took the test at home, a part of her kept denying the crazy idea and she comforted herself with the possibility that all of this might have been due to the stress of being the new Chief of surgery and dealing with her relationship with Neil. Actually, there was no other acceptable explanation for her. She didn't even dare imagining the mess it would create, nor even all the changes it would cause. This wasn't the right time, at all.

The vibrations of her phone against the bathroom cabinet startled her and pulled her out of her thoughts. The five minutes had passed and it had felt like ages. She grabbed her phone in a hurry and turned off the alarm. She was firmly holding the stick down on her laps. She closed her eyes and tilted her head backwards. Her heart was pounding hard in her chest, she was so scared to look at the result. She wasn't sure she was ready to see her life be completely turned upside down in one second. After having gathered the last pieces of courage she had left, she finally opened her eyes again and looked down. She hadn't realized she had been holding her breath all along, and let out a shaky sigh as her eyes fell on the result. The world seemed to have suddenly stopped spinning, time seemed to have frozen and she could feel her whole body shutting down. _Positive._

_Damn it._ She was pregnant.

* * *

The next morning, the first thing Audrey did when she arrived at the hospital was to informally call Murphy to her office. She was nervous he might have already told other residents – or worse, Neil – about what he had witnessed the previous day. She knew he wasn't like the others and she just needed to make sure he was getting the importance of keeping it quiet. She was completely lost and had no idea how to deal with what was happening. The situation was complicated enough as the way it was, she didn't need people whispering things behind her back all over the hospital.

After half an hour, someone finally knocked on her door.

"Come in." She said from behind her desk, while she was reading some of her emails on her laptop. She looked up from the screen and saw Murphy walk in. She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms on her chest.

"Close the door, please."

The young man did so and stepped forward to the middle of the room, not knowing what to think of this sudden call to the chief of surgery office.

"Why did you want to see me, Dr. Lim? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, everything's fine."

"Then, why am I here?"

She hesitated for a moment, and finally found the courage to speak up.

"This is about what you told me yesterday." She paused, "I'm pregnant." It was the first time she said it out loud, and it did something to her chest but she preferred to ignore it.

Shaun's face lit up, "I was right."

She rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Yes, yes. You were right. And you have to keep this to yourself, is that clear?" His smile slowly faded away.

"Does he know?" Her heart skipped a beat. She didn't need to ask who he was talking about. They both knew. It was gonna be a lot more complicated than she thought.

"No, and he can't know." She paused, before adding in some kind of mumbles, "at least for now." She looked at his face carefully, but she couldn't read it. "That's why I'm asking you to keep it a secret, do you understand?"

"I'm not good at keeping secrets."

She sighed, "Well, let's think of it more as a…" She was looking for the right words to use, "as medical information between doctor and patient."

Shaun frowned, "but I'm not your doctor. And you're not my patient."

"God, Shaun. You're not helping!" She finally lost it and raised her voice. When she saw the reaction on his face, she immediately regretted it. She took a deep breath and cooled down. "Listen, Shaun. This is really important. You think you can do this for me?"

She waited for an answer from him, but after a few seconds of complete silence she was about to withdraw.

"I can try."

She finally let out a sigh of relief, even though she wasn't quite convinced.

"Thank you."

"Can I go now?"

"Yes, you can."

He wasn't out of her office yet that she was already back into her reading. Shaun put his hand on the doorknob and stopped in his tracks. He hesitated for a moment, before turning towards Audrey.

"Dr. Lim?"

As soon as she heard him speaking, she closed her eyes and sighed. "Yes, Murphy?"

"You will make a wonderful mother."

Her heart tightened in her chest. She hadn't expected to hear him say such a thing and his words hit her hard. She then watched him walk out her office, leaving her completely speechless.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks for the reviews! There's a little nod to Marilyn Monroe in this chapter. I used one of her many quotes that I particularly appreciate. Let's see if you will recognize it :)_

* * *

Audrey had taken refuge in work. She was spending most of her time in the hospital, working even more than when she was trying to drown her sorrows after her break-up with Neil. The thought of being pregnant was terrifying her, and she was trying to escape this reality she still wasn't ready to face. She was working overtime, was going through surgeries, meetings and was crawling under paperwork day after day. She had been running around the hospital all along, partly because her new position implied she had to be everywhere at once and mostly because there was a certain someone she still didn't want to run into. She knew she wouldn't be able to avoid him indefinitely, but she kept putting the fatidic moment off over and over again. Anything to take her attention away from this huge mess was good to take.

She had just come out of her second operation of the day and had let the family who was waiting in their father's bedroom know that the surgery had gone well. She was on her way to the nurses' station to drop off some files when she spotted his silhouette in the distance. He was walking in the same direction, reading some stuff on his tablet. As soon as her eyes had laid on him, she had been caught in a terrible wave of panic and stopped dead in her tracks. She immediately turned around and started walking back the other way, but she instantly closed her eyes and cursed herself mentally. She knew very well she absolutely had to give these documents, and there was no way she was going to start acting like a fifteen year-old child in her own department. She then took a deep breath, pulled herself together and faked a smile before turning back and walking towards her original destination.

He had been the first one to reach the desk, and he had still his nose buried in his tablet when she arrived at her turn.

"Could you add these in the file of Mr. Lopez?" She asked to the nurse sitting behind her computer. The young woman nodded, took the documents and left her seat to put them away. At the sound of her voice, Neil immediately looked up. Audrey hadn't even bothered to look at him, or greet him and it kinda unsettled him. She was about to turn around and left, but he stopped her.

"Hey, wait a minute." She had hoped to leave unnoticed, but apparently her plan didn't work. She took a step back and leaned her arm on the counter, facing him. She waited for him to talk first.

"What's going on?" Neil frowned. She suddenly felt weak at the thought of him knowing the truth. Her state of mind was comparable to a tsunami ravaging everything on its way. She could feel her throat tightened up and right now, she just wanted to disappear but she managed to keep a straight face.

"What do you mean?"

"Have you- have you been avoiding me?" He finally asked the one thing he had been dying to know for weeks.

Audrey scoffed, "of course not."

"Because that's what it looks like to me." It almost sounded like a reproach to her ears.

"Well, it's not my fault if you're misinterpreting things." She snapped at him. Neil sighed, he was getting tired of this game.

"I don't understand. I thought you wanted this." She furrowed, and started getting irritating by where the conversation was going.

"Yes, and I still do."

"Then why do we keep ignoring each other like that?" He hissed at her. Of course, he was waiting for an answer but she didn't even know what to say.

"Listen," he glanced around them, making sure no one was looking at them and took a step closer. She stiffened at their suddenly closeness. "We need to talk, really talk, because we can't keep doing this." His eyes fell on their hands, both resting next to each other and she followed his gaze. He carefully slid his hand along the counter to reach hers, slowly closing the gap between them.

"We might not be a couple anymore, but I miss my friend." He softly whispered to her. His fingers hesitantly brushed against hers for a brief moment, but before he could go further she pulled her hand away and buried it in her pocket.

"We're not just friends, and you fucking know it." She had seen the hurt in his eyes, and she regretted her words as soon as she had said them, but it was too late to take them back. "I have to go." She said dryly, leaving him alone as she walked past him.

He looked down, tightening his jaw. Neil couldn't quite understand why she was pushing him away and shutting herself so much lately. He wasn't a fool, there was something going on with her. He could see this whole situation was hurting her just as much as it was hurting him and he hated seeing her so miserable, but damn she could be so stubborn sometimes.

He decided to drop it for now and headed to his next consultation. He didn't have long to walk since the room was right in front of the nurses' office. As he entered, he didn't even have the time to speak.

"Oh, thank god. I could feel the thick tension hanging in the air from my bed!" Neil looked at her patient strangely. "It's her, isn't it? She's the one who's causing you so much trouble?"

He sighed, scrolling on his tablet to open her chart.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mrs. Johnson." He answered in a dreary voice.

"Oh, I see the way you look at her. I still can recognize true love when I see it, young man."

He finally looked up, softly smiling at her. He hesitated for a moment but then, what was the point of keeping denying? He knew he wouldn't hear the end of it anyway.

"Well, we are no longer together so it doesn't matter anymore."

"Of course, it does! Are you that blind not to see she's still mad over heels in love with you?" Neil snorted.

"I really appreciate your optimism, but let's stop talking about me." He gave her a warning look. The lady sighed, the fun had to stop for now. She well knew why he was here. He hated being the reasonable one, but what he was about to say wasn't really joyful.

"I received the results of your tests. Unfortunately, my initial doubts were well-founded. You're in heart failure."

"I don't understand, I thought the pacemaker was supposed to help my heart get better?"

"Well, the pacemaker has been treating your bradycardia and helps your heart to beat at a normal rate. But over the years the conditions have damaged and weakened your heart, which developed the heart failure."

"So, you mean that my heart is dying and there's nothing we can do about it?"

"Not exactly, we have several potential treatments. In your case, I'd like to avoid performing surgery for now. Your heart is already tired enough and I'm afraid it might not be strong enough to go through an operation. We'll start with some medication and see how it goes." He offered her a reassuring smile, but she didn't buy it.

"And if it doesn't work?"

"Then we'll consider a transplant." He rested his hand on her forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze. "But don't worry, we're nowhere near there."

She nodded, and smiled at him.

"I'll stop by later to see how you're doing. Try to get some rest, alright?" Neil was about to withdraw his hand and leave the room, but she grabbed his wrist before he had the chance to.

"You have to talk to her." He chuckled and smiled. She wasn't gonna give up, was she? He looked at her for a brief moment; she had always been so kind to him.

"I've already tried, but I think she had made it clear when she dumped me."

"Then try harder!" She exclaimed herself. Neil raised his eyebrow, it was clear she had no idea Audrey Lim was one of a kind. When she had made a decision, there was nothing that could change her mind.

"It's not that easy, you know."

"Nobody said love was an easy thing, sweetheart. But when you really love someone, it's always worth it." _And hell, she was worth it._

* * *

Later that day, Audrey was finally heading home. She was walking in the parking lot, helmet in hand and lost in her thoughts. She was recalling her encounter with Neil earlier this afternoon and she was still blaming herself for acting like that. She felt bad, it was stupid and he didn't deserve it. She couldn't help it though. Whenever she was feeling vulnerable or in a position of weakness, she was being cold and distant. Right now, her whole life was slipping through her fingers and she needed to take control back, but pushing him away like that only made things worse. It'd taken some time for her to realize it, but she was missing him terribly. She hated knowing they were tearing each other apart. She was exhausted and feeling horribly lonely but there was no way she was going to tell him. What would she look like? What would he think of her? That she'd get back with him just because he'd knocked her up? No, there was no way she was gonna tell him.

As she finally reached her parking spot, she saw Glassman sitting on a concrete pad next to her Ducati. He was quietly waiting for her. She sighed heavily. If he was there, there was only one possible explanation.

"Congratulations are in order." He stood up as she stopped at her motorcycle.

"He told you, didn't he?"

Glassman shrugged, "He can't keep a secret."

"I should've known better." She muttered under her breath. "I was gonna inform you, I just... needed time." She paused, "if you're here because you are worried it might compromise my position, I-"

"I'm here as a friend." He cut her off. She frowned slightly, not quite sure to understand what he meant. She was convinced he would have offered her his speech on the fact that it was an important detail and that she should have mentioned it to her boss right away. Instead, he didn't seem to care at all. "Are you okay?" He finally asked her.

She hadn't realized how much she needed to hear someone say those words to her until now. She felt her throat tightening and tears coming up. _These damn hormones, _she thought.

"I don't know." She breathed out with a shaky voice. She looked down at her helmet, as he quietly waited for her to open up. Putting words on how she felt was never an easy task for her. She had learned to always bury her emotions deep in her soul and so when she needed to let them out, it was always asking her huge efforts. But somehow, she found the strength tonight. "I can't be pregnant, Aaron." She looked up at him and her teary eyes met his. "I just became Chief of Surgery, I broke up with the man I love because I couldn't separate our relationship from our work and now there's a baby in the middle of this mess?!"

He didn't say a word as he felt she just needed someone who could listen to her right now, and he let her talk.

"This is a nightmare." She whispered, running her hand through her hair. He was used to see her so fierce and confident, this wasn't the Audrey he knew. He could tell she wasn't okay at all.

"Is there something I can do?"

She shrugged, "not really." They stood there, quietly. She didn't know what to say to him, but knowing he was there for her made her feel a little bit better. They had always shared this special bond from the beginning of her residency. He was her mentor and had always had this fatherly side towards her.

"I know this isn't my business but," he shoved his hands in his coat, taking a step closer. "Don't you think he deserves to know?"

"Of course, he does. I just don't know how to tell him." She finally admitted.

"You won't be able to keep him away from this forever."

"I know… I just feel so lost right now." Glassman walked closer to her and stopped at her height. He laid a hand on her shoulder and offered her a comforting smile.

"Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together." He gently tapped her shoulder twice, and with these words he walked away, leaving her with her own thoughts on the parking lot.

* * *

_Will Audrey finally be ready to share her secret with Neil? How will he react when the truth will blow up at his face? Find out in the next chapter!_


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm a bit late to the party but: Happy New Year, dear readers! **

**So sorry for the long wait, this chapter took me so long to write. Feel free to let reviews and share your thoughts with me!**

* * *

Two days later, it was her first appointment with her OB/GYN. She had decided to go right before her shift started so she wouldn't stress out over this the whole day. It was a big moment for Audrey, and she was really nervous about the appointment. She had asked Dr. Garcia to meet her at her private office outside St. Bonaventure to avoid rumors from spreading throughout the whole hospital. She didn't want everyone to know about her still little secret, and she knew it wouldn't take ten minutes before the nurses and interns started whispering behind her back.

She took a deep breath as she sat on a chair in the waiting room. It was empty at this hour of the day as she must be her first patient. It didn't mind her though, quite the contrary. After a few minutes that seemed like hours for Audrey, the doctor came in and greeted her. She entered the examination room, quite tensed and waited for the woman to engage the conversation.

"Well, Dr. Lim. I'm gladly surprised to see you here. Congratulations." She widely smiled, and Audrey had to force a smile in return.

"Thank you." She was too nervous to relax. It was supposed to be a happy moment, but she couldn't stop worrying about everything.

"Should we wait for the father to arrive or-?"

"Oh, no." She answered, a bit too quickly. "It's just me."

"I see, no dad in the picture?"

"Not really, he doesn't know yet."

"Oh," her face lighted up. "Then let's try to take a nice picture of the ultrasound, it'll make a beautiful surprise."

She invited her to lie down on the examination table. She unbuttoned her pants and lowered the zipper, then lifted her blouse up to the top of her abdomen. It felt strange to find herself in this position, and it'd been a while since she had felt that much intimidated. As she was waiting nervously with her arm folded behind her head, part of her wished he would have been here with her to hold her hand.

"This is going to be a little cold." The Doctor said, before squirting some gel on her lower abdomen. Audrey didn't even flinch and instinctively turned her head towards the screen as she started moving the stick across her belly. She could feel her heart beating faster than she would have thought in the first place. She had never really wanted to face the reality until now, and now she was about to meet the little human being that was already growing inside of her. She was torn between excitement and fear, and she was almost holding her breath.

"And here it is." Dr. Garcia said, pointing at the grey blob in the middle of the screen. Her eyes widened slightly at what she was seeing, and she felt suddenly overwhelmed by so many different emotions it was getting hard to deal with them. "This is your baby." The Doctor turned her head towards her and offered her a bright smile, but she couldn't take her eyes off the screen.

"Is… Is everything okay?"

"He or she is in great shape! You're 7 weeks along. The embryo measures 8 millimeters, which is perfect. And the tiny flutter here's the heart, strongly beating." She looked at Audrey again, smiling. "It's all good to me."

This time, a tiny smile cracked her face as she let out a shaky breath. Garcia took a few screenshots and more measures before pulling the ultrasound stick away. She took the opportunity to take Audrey's blood pressure and make sure that everything was good for her as well. After a few moments, Doctor Garcia went back behind her desk while Audrey stood up from the table and put her clothes back in place.

"Have you been feeling nauseous at all?" the doctor asked as Lim took a seat in front of her.

"Yes, I have. It can be quite intense some days. I've barely been able to eat anything these past few days."

"Is it just in the morning?"

"It can happen at any time of the day."

"I'm going to prescribe you some vitamins and something to ease the nausea, but you absolutely have to eat. Eat foods you like and that can be tolerated, in several small meals every 2 or 3 hours. Try not to skip too many meals either." She said, writing down some stuff on a paper.

"It's not really easy with our job." She snorted.

"I know." Garcia pitifully smiled at her. "But your blood pressure is very low, so you need to take it easy for a while. Stress is not really good for you or the baby."

_No need to tell me,_ she thought. Her life had been anything but peaceful these past few weeks, and it wasn't going to get any better in the next few days.

"Oh, and I noticed you're riding motorcycle." She glanced at the helmet resting at the edge of the desk. "It's up to you, but I highly recommend my patients in your case to put it aside and the sooner the better."

"Oh, right. Of course, I'll do it." Audrey smiled at her, even though both women well knew it would be hard for her to drop her motorcycle.

They kept chatting for a few more minutes, then Dr. Garcia handed her the prescriptions and two ultrasound pictures, before Audrey left the practice, still a little bit shaken by this encounter.

* * *

She couldn't stop thinking about the appointment. Seeing this little shrimp on the screen had suddenly made everything so much more real. Sure, the euphoria of the moment had disappeared but still she couldn't shake that odd feeling. She had been filled by so many emotions, it felt like she'd finally been complete for the first time in her life. She didn't even have the words to describe how she felt when Dr. Garcia said those few words… _This is your baby._

It was clear that after this morning's ultrasound, she couldn't keep this from him any longer. She realized she had been avoiding the fateful moment for too long and that it was time for her to gather her courage and tell Neil. As she entered the hospital and walked towards her office, she was petrified with fear. She wasn't used to have no control over her life, and she had no way of anticipating his reaction. If all of this had happened a few weeks earlier, she wouldn't even be thinking about this, she wouldn't have hesitated for a moment. But this was different now. She had ended their relationship and she wasn't sure of anything anymore. Only that she was finally determined to tell him before he found out from someone else.

She'd been startled by the knocks on her door, and she looked up to see Neil popping his head out through the half opened-door. She didn't expect to see him so soon, and she looked a bit uncomfortable. Neil, on the other hand, seemed quite normal, as if nothing had ever happened.

"Hey, I've been looking for you all morning. Is everything all right? It's not really your type to show up late." Neil frowned.

"My bus was delayed, I had to take the next one." He looked at her even more strangely, and not quite convinced. He was aware she was taking the bus from time to time, especially in winter. But today, the weather was perfect and she never missed an opportunity to ride her motorbike. Though he preferred to drop it, thinking she probably had her reasons for taking the bus this morning.

"Why did you want to see me?" She snapped him out of his thoughts.

"I might need your feedback on a case." He walked in and closed the door behind him. She stood up from her chair walked around the desk. He handed her the chart and she grabbed him to take a look at it. "The treatment doesn't seem to be working, but surgery wasn't really my first choice either."

He let her some time to read the results of the last test, which let him free advantage to observe her. Since they had broken up, all they had been able to do was ignoring each other or avoiding each other's gaze whenever they would meet in the hallways. He hadn't been able to _really_ look at her until then, and he realized there was something different about her that made her even more beautiful than he remembered. He'd always loved the little wrinkles appearing at the corner of her eyes and on her forehead whenever she was concentrated on doing something. Her skin looked so smooth that he longed to let his fingers slid along her cheek. Her hair was tied up in a bun, exposing her neck and he then thought back to all the times he had kissed her – sometimes tenderly, sometimes fervently – on the spot right below her ear. He hadn't missed the shadows under her eyes though, which probably were the result of a lack of sleep and he wondered if this was all about what had been going on between them these past few weeks. His eyes then fell on her lips, those soft lips he used to… He startled a bit as she suddenly handed him the chart back. He then cleared his throat, trying to regain some composure.

"It could be great if you could come by my office today so I could expose you my thoughts."

"I'll try to free myself this afternoon."

"Alright, thank you." He nodded.

Suddenly, as he was about to leave her office, she felt her heart beating faster and her brain screaming at her that this was the right time to talk to him, that she had to say something, anything.

"Neil, wait." She abruptly said. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you…" He stopped in his tracks and turned towards her, waiting for her to speak.

Now that he was looking at her, she suddenly froze in front of him. She opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came out and it was as if she had lost the ability to talk or even think straight. The words were stuck in her throat.

_Beep…beep…beep…_

She suddenly felt her pager beeping in her pocket. She apologized and took it out. As she read it, she seriously wondered if the whole universe wasn't against her after all.

"I gotta go. They need me in the E.R., there's been a pile-up on the freeway." She went back behind her desk and quickly put on her white coat. She hurried up to leave her office, but Neil frowned and stopped her.

"What did you want to tell me?" She took a deep breath, looking at him for a few seconds. She wasn't going to tell him, not here, not like that.

"Oh, um. Never mind." She faked a smile, and disappeared.

* * *

It was total chaos in the ER. Lim was one of the first to arrive and took over triage. More than half of the victims were slightly injured – at least it was not life-threatening, but for the rest it was a lot more serious. After working hours on freeing the two last victims from one of the crashed vehicles, paramedics finally took them to the hospital in a state of absolute emergency. The man, who was probably in his forties, had been rushed immediately to the O.R. under Lim's supervision.

She had just spent four hours running around the emergency room, dealing with the lack of beds, lack of equipment and lack of staff. Neil had even been paged a little bit later as a backup. Audrey had focused on her patients and had managed to ignore his presence, but Neil hadn't help but glance in her direction from time to time, between patients who needed stitches. He was disturbed by their discussion this morning – or we should say _hypothetical_ discussion. She had been doing everything she could to avoid him recently, and when she seemed to be finally ready to talk, fate had decided otherwise. For someone who was usually so energetic in her element, she seemed quite exhausted today and he hadn't missed it. He didn't know if it had anything to do with what she had to say to him, or with her behavior over the last few days, but he was getting more and more worried about her and that didn't augur anything good.

The surgery on Lim's patient was taking longer than expected. The damage was much more severe than X-rays had shown and they had been trying to save the man's legs for almost seven hours now. Everyone was focused, there was a leaden silence in the room as everyone knew what they had to do. It was getting more and more difficult for the surgeons to stand still and operate while trying to ignore their sore and tense muscles. Lim stopped for a few seconds and stretched her head to the right and then to the left to relieve the stiffness in her neck. She had performed much more complicated and longer surgery than this one, but for a few hours now she had felt her body weakening a little more in spite of herself. _Try not to skip too many meals either._ She remembered the words of Dr. Garcia, and she snorted to herself. _It's a little late to worry about that._ The fact that she'd been standing for more than ten hours and with an empty stomach wasn't helping her low blood pressure problem of this morning. She took a deep breath, widened her eyes and shook her head slightly to get a grip on herself.

Browne and Park had noticed the strange behavior of their superior, and had glanced at each other without either of them daring to say anything. They were only interns, and Dr. Lim knew very well what she was doing. But the more time flew by, the harder it was for her to stay focused on the surgery. She wouldn't have risked making a mistake that could kill the patient, so when she started to feel lightheaded and weak, she stopped everything right away. The two interns frowned, wondering what she was doing. She was sure she could have picked up where she left off, but her body couldn't keep up with her brain and instead she stared into space, taking deep breaths.

"Page Dr. Andrews." She paused, "Browne, you take the lead." She weakly said.

"Dr. Lim?"

She was aware of the noises slowly fading away, she could feel her blood rushing in her head and her vision getting blurred. There was nothing she could do. She stepped back from the patient and finally blacked out.

* * *

Her eyelids fluttered as she was slowly waking up. Her vision was still a bit blurred, but she could catch a sight of a silhouette next to her. She gave her eyes a few seconds to adjust to the brightness of the room and turned her head to the other side to acknowledge her surroundings. She swallowed hard and frowned, finally aware of the painful migraine that had been seizing her head. Neil was there, next to her, sitting on a stool with his arms crossed against his chest. He waited patiently and silently for her to emerge at her own pace. After a few minutes, she turned her head towards him again. She was somewhat surprised to see him there. He seemed almost angry, or at least very concerned.

"What happened?" She frowned, raising her right arm to take a look at the heart rate monitor clipped at her finger and the blood pressure monitor tied up around her biceps. She was still a bit confused.

"You fainted in the O.R."

And then it all came back to her.

"My patient."

"He's fine."

"I just can't believe it." She muttered to herself, and started to get restless. She ripped off the monitors and straightened up, throwing her legs out of the bed. She couldn't believe what had just happened and now all the hospital was gonna know about it.

"Hey, hey. Take it easy." Neil stood up and approached her. He put his hand on her shoulder and tried to steady her on the bed, but all he managed to do was annoy her even more. She didn't need to _take it easy_, what she needed right now was to get out of this room and get back to work.

"Neil, I'm fine." She shrugged her shoulder to get away from his touch.

"No, you're not." He snapped at her.

Audrey huffed and stood up from the bed, "I just forgot to eat something today, that's all!"

"You know what? I'm not letting you leave this room until you've told me the truth."

She glared at him, and gave him _the look_. Was he seriously playing the bossy one with her?

Neil clenched his jaw as he put both of his hands on his hips and started pacing in the room. He thought back at what Mrs. Johnson told him and found the strength to talk.

"You've gotta stop pushing me away." He turned towards her, and looked straight into her eyes. "You've gotta stop lying to my face whenever I'm asking you if you're okay, because I know you and I can tell there's something wrong with you!" He had raised his voice, stepping closer to her with his finger pointed at her. She immediately looked away. He knew she was hiding something, he could see it on her face but she still didn't say a word and retreated into silence once again.

"Jesus, Audrey. What is going on?" He yelled at her this time as he finally lost it. He was tired of her constantly shutting him down. He needed to know, he couldn't bear seeing the woman he loved being so torn and there was something inside of him telling him it had something to do with him.

"I'm pregnant!" She blurted out.

Neil froze instantly. Surprise seized his face and the room was suddenly filled with a thunderous silence. Audrey looked closely at his face for a slightest reaction but he didn't let anything show through. He'd imagined everything, every possible scenario except this one. His first reaction would have been to shout for joy and take her in his arms, lift her up in the air and make her spin. But he was completely taken aback by the news and all he was able to say was this pathetic little word…

"What?"

"I'm pregnant." She said it again, more composed this time.

The words finally seemed to reach his brain, and he was slowly getting aware of the whole situation. His eyes lowered to her abdomen, and it was as if all his doubts, his questions, all the things that drove him crazy for the past few weeks, all the things that kept him awake at night,… It was all making sense now, why she had been distant, why she had been avoiding him and seemed so preoccupied and tired at the same time. So many thoughts were rushing through his mind right now that he didn't know what to say first.

"You knew this whole time?" He finally looked back at her.

"Yes."

"How long?"

"I'm 7 weeks along."

Neil nodded thoughtfully. He seemed quiet, much too quiet for her taste.

"And at no time did you think I should know about this?" His words sounded like a reproach, even though he didn't want it to.

"Of course I did I-I just didn't know how to tell you…" She sighed, passing her hand on her forehead nervously. "It's already complicated enough, I don't need you blaming me on top of it!"

"I'm not blaming you, Audrey. But this- this is huge."

"I know. Listen, it doesn't have to change anything between us. We broke up, our relationship is too complicated and we both know that. The reasons we made that decision won't change just because I'm pregnant."

"The decision_ we_ made?" He frowned, a bit upset. "You were the one who wanted to stop our relationship, and I respected_ your_ decision. This was not mine."

"Bringing a baby in the middle of this, this is…"

Neil looked conflicted and wondered where all of this was going, while Audrey seemed to be looking for the right words to say.

"This is _what?"_ He urged her.

"You don't own me anything and I'm not asking you anything either. You don't have to be a part of this, if you don't want to."

"Of course I want to! Did you seriously think I wouldn't?"

She looked at him, speechless. She didn't know what to say to him. She didn't know _how_ to explain all the things she had been feeling since the day she found out she was pregnant with his child. She couldn't find the right words.

Neil snorted at her silence, "Obviously, you've already made up your mind."

"It's not what I meant."

"For fuck sake, Audrey. This is my child, too!" Neil raised his voice once again, and some people who were walking past the room started throwing some glances in their direction through the window.

She immediately shushed him, "Keep your voice down! Do you really want the whole hospital to hear you?!"

He then whispered loudly and harshly, "You can't take this kind of decision on your own!"

"Well, right now that's the least of my worries. I have to go see if my residents didn't screw up the surgery I was supposed to lead before passing out in front of everyone!" She walked towards the door.

"You're taking the easy way, once again."

"I've work to do. I've patients to check on, and so do you." She then left, slamming the door behind her without letting him a chance to hold her back.

* * *

She wasn't far from home anymore. She'd gotten off the bus on stop before her usual one. She wanted to walk and get some fresh air to think about the events of the day. It hadn't been an easy shift. Seeing so many seriously wounded people, witnessing so many lives being destroyed and having to tell bad news to their closed ones was never easy even when you're one of the best high skilled surgeons of the country. She had seen worse through her entire career. She was used to the blood, adrenaline, gory wounds and all those stuff but that didn't make it any less difficult when you came to it. The surgery finally went well, but despite the surgeon's best efforts, the patient's legs couldn't be saved and they had to amputate and she had learned the woman who was in the same car as him during the accident didn't survive.

And yet the day had started out so well. Though the announcement to Neil didn't go as she had hoped it would. She couldn't help but screw it up every time. _You always expect the worse in people because that's all you see in yourself. _Maybe Laura was right after all. She had been so angry with herself for showing everyone a vulnerable side of her earlier that she hadn't been able to think straight and balance things out. She had been unfairly dumping her anger on him, making him angry on the same time. It had only proved once again that they couldn't have a proper talk without raising their voices and shouting at each other.

She had walked by his office before the end of her shift but the lights were off, meaning he had probably been gone a long time ago. She had tried to call him outside the hospital but he hadn't bothered to pick up either. Thought it wasn't really surprising since it was almost three o'clock in the morning.

She couldn't get his face out of her mind when she started telling him that there was no reason for him to feel compelled to get involved in anything. She had hurt him, and certainly upset him more than she had thought. It was stupid of her to say that because she always knew how much Neil wanted to have children. And secretly, she had sometimes let her mind wander into her wildest thoughts where she was the one he was building a family with. In her dreams they were happily living, but the reality was much more violent and harsh.

After a ten-minute walk, she was finally able to see her house. All she wanted to do was rush to bed and get a good night's sleep, even though it was almost the early morning already. She was emotionally and physically drained to the point she didn't even notice there was someone sitting on her porch. Once she was at a reasonable distance, she finally spotted the silhouette in the darkness of the night. She didn't know how long Neil had been waiting for her, but she felt a relieving feeling she couldn't describe when she noticed the slight smile growing on his lips. She walked closer, and stopped at a few feet from him. They looked at each other, quietly as if they didn't need any words to communicate.

It felt like ages when the sound of his voice finally broke the silence, "We need to talk."

* * *

_Will they be able to finally talk to each other with open hearts? How will it affect their relationship now that Audrey told Neil? Find out soon!_

**I'm a bit hard on them, but it would be way too easy otherwise… Don't worry, I'm gonna soften through the chapters (but not too much, haha!). **


	7. Chapter 7

_**Thank you for all the kind reviews, it's always a pleasure to read you! And I'm truly sorry for making you wait so long between updates. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how hectic life can be sometimes, right? ugh... Here's a little update. **_**_I know, it's a small compensation for the long wait you had to endure. _**_**I hope you'll enjoy it though. Feel free to share your thoughts on this by letting a review! xo**_

* * *

"You want something to drink?" Audrey hesitantly asked as they both walked in her kitchen.

"A glass of water will do fine." He softly smiled. He was certainly in need for some liquor to boost his courage and he'd have asked for something much stronger if it wasn't that late, or should he say early? However, he resigned himself to a softer beverage.

She walked behind the counter and grabbed a glass from the cupboard above her. Neil had stayed back and was observing every of her moves from the other side of the counter. The house was plunged into an almost oppressive silence as they were both dreading the moment when one of them would finally speak first.

He hadn't been able to clear his mind the rest of the day after their argument in the room earlier. He had hated how they reacted to what should have been exciting news and he immediately felt the need to fix it. He then hadn't thought it through and drove straight to her house after he was done with his surgery, but didn't think about the fact that she might not be home and then found himself sitting on her porch waiting foolishly for her to arrive. Although he had plenty of time to think about what he was gonna say to her, nothing came out now that he was standing in front of her. He didn't know how to start the conversation, nor did he know what to say to her not to sound silly.

"Thank you." He whispered as she put the glass of water down on the counter in front of him. He lowered his eyes on the glass and wrapped his fingers around it. They were both aware of the unsaid words and the thick tension hanging between them, even though anger and bitterness were already forgotten. They had both let cooler heads prevail and after that exhausting day neither of them had the energy to keep arguing.

"You're feeling better?" He tried to initiate the conversation.

"Yeah, you know… I'm just exhausted and these past few weeks had been quite stressful. I should have been more careful about what my body was trying to tell me. But I'm fine." She paused, and a soft smile appeared on her lips. "We're both fine."

"Good." Neil smiled at his turn. Soon they found themselves in total silence again. He was relieved they were both doing fine. He had been so shaken by the news earlier in the day that he hadn't even thought to ask how she was feeling. Things had been so tensed between them in the past few weeks that he's gotten over the real main issues.

"I'm sor-" They both started to say at the same time, and stopped right away when they realized it. They cracked a nervous smile at each other as things were slightly getting awkward.

"You go first." Neil politely let her keep going.

Audrey took a deep breath before speaking.

"I'm sorry. You were right. I should have told you sooner, but I was so… confused, and lost. I was afraid you would feel obligated to be committed to this baby just because we had history and because you would have felt responsible for this. And I didn't want this-" She said, moving her hand around her abdomen, "to happen this way. So, at first I convinced myself not telling you was the best decision for everyone, but actually it just made it worse and I regret it."

"You really think I would have come back to you out of pity and through spite?" He gently frowned. He wasn't mad, he was just curious to see through her eyes.

She shrugged, "I know you, Neil. You would have done it because that's who you are. You're a good man."

She wasn't totally wrong. Neil would have never let a woman lonely in this kind of situation if it had ever happened with someone else. The thing was, she wasn't someone else and it hurt him a little that she had thought he would have been able to do that with her. Though he couldn't really blame her as it must have been quite shocking for her to find out she was pregnant and really stressful to deal with the news on her own.

"It wasn't fair to you, and I'm really sorry I kept you away this long." She added.

"Obviously you had your reasons. I'm not mad and I understand. I just wish you'd have let me in, so you wouldn't have to go through this alone." He paused, before adding. "_And, _I'm sorry for the way I reacted earlier."

"Well, I kinda deserved it." She shrugged.

"No, you didn't. I shouldn't have yelled at you the way I did. I just-" He snorted slightly, "I wasn't prepared for this."

"Yeah, I know." She broke a smile, too. "Believe me, I wasn't either."

He locked his gaze on hers and they looked into each other's eyes for a very long moment, both softly smiling. She couldn't shake off the odd feeling that was warming her insides whenever he was looking at her the way he was right now, making her almost forget why she had broken up with him in the first place.

After a while, she finally broke the moment and walked away without a warning. Neil frowned a bit, wondering what was she doing but he didn't say anything and waited. She had disappeared from his view for a brief moment, and he could hear some fumbling noises meaning she was looking for something in the other room. After a few moments, she came back in the kitchen with something in her hand. She walked towards him and handed him a small black and white photo.

"I've been keeping it preciously in the inside pocket of my leather jacket since the appointment." She paused, "I think it's the right time to show it to you."

He took it in his hand but didn't immediately understand what it was. His eyes landed on the small frame and he finally realized. His whole face lightened up in awe and he looked up at her.

"Is this..?"

She nodded, "the baby, yes."

He looked at it a few more seconds, while Audrey couldn't take her eyes off his face. She hadn't realized how much it meant for her to see him being so moved by the ultrasound.

Neil had seemed lost in his thoughts but he suddenly frowned as a growing smile appeared on the corner of his lips.

"How did this happen?" He looked up once again.

Audrey raised an eyebrow, and looked at him suspiciously.

"Do you need me to spell it out for you?" She teased him and he finally realized the silliness of his question.

"No, thanks." He chuckled, "You know what I meant. We were always careful, right?"

Audrey shrugged, "I guess not. We both know it's not always hundred percent safe."

"This is…" Neil stopped, searching for the word that would describe exactly what he was feeling at that moment. But before he could even add something, she cut him off.

"A mess?" She offered him.

He couldn't disagree with her. Their life was a total chaos right now, but he was convinced there was something much more meaningful behind all of this. Though it wasn't the best way to raise a child, he suddenly felt a wave of hope and happiness invading his chest. This was gonna be a wonderful journey.

"Yes, but it's a beautiful mess." Audrey, on the other hand was still looking awfully anxious and pensive.

"Listen," he walked around the counter to be closer. He stretched out his hand and grabbed hers. She didn't pull away this time as she looked down at their linked hands. "I know this is all complicated and tricky. I'm not gonna lie, it certainly won't be easy. But no matter where we are, no matter what the future holds for us, there's one thing I'm sure of: I want to have this baby with you."

She could feel the tears coming to the edge of her eyes and she had to fight back a sob as he kept going, "I'd love to be present for this baby and for you, if you'll let me to. Not because I feel obligated to be committed, but because I want to."

Her nerves were breaking down. She had put so much pressure on herself and she had been so afraid to tell him. She had stored up all her emotions for so long that she was now on the edge of bursting.

"I'm scared." She shrugged, shyly admitting in a trembling voice.

"Come here." He mumbled as he pulled her towards him. She didn't protest as she finally broke down in tears and let him take her in his embrace. She instinctively nestled her face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm scared, too. But I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. This is gonna be okay." She nodded against his shoulder. She had missed the safe feeling of being wrapped up in his arms. She closed her eyes and breathed in his cologne, savoring this moment of intimacy. Neil could feel her slightly trembling against him and she didn't know if she was just feeling cold or if her body was simply responding physically to all the draining emotions and stress she had been experiencing over the last few weeks. She found some kind of ease when she felt him tightening his arms around her frame and felt the heat radiating from his body slowly warming her. It was rare to see such a vulnerable side of the iconic Dr. Audrey Lim, and Neil was somehow relieved he was there for her in this right moment. Even though things hadn't been that easy between them he was sure they would make it work in the end, even more now than ever.

"We're gonna have a baby." He suddenly broke the comfortable silence, whispering blissfully in her ear. She couldn't help but chuckle with a sniff through the tears.

"Yes, we are."

* * *

_Tbc..._


	8. Chapter 8

Neil had been waiting at the nurses' station for a good twenty minutes now, filling out paperwork to keep him busy. However, it didn't really seem to be working because he couldn't stop looking at his watch every two minutes. He was waiting for Audrey as they had agreed on meeting Mrs. Johnson today. He hadn't good news to tell his patient, and he had asked her to study and discuss the case with him. He would have never admitted it to himself, but it was kind of a good excuse to spend more time with her.

After a good five more minutes, he finally lost his patience and put his paperwork away. He knew her too well, and she would have called if something had come up. Usually that wouldn't have worried him more than that, but things were different now. Although he was still adjusting to the idea, she was carrying his child and he needed to make sure they were both alright.

As he walked through the hospital towards her office, he tried to reach her phone but it immediately fell on her voice mailbox which didn't help easing his fears. Maybe one of her meetings was dragging on and that's why she wasn't picking up, right?

He arrived quickly at her office and walked past her desk assistant without a word. As the young woman spotted him through the windows of her office, she quickly got up and rushed outside to stop him.

"Dr. Melendez!"

Neil turned around, and waited for her to speak.

"Dr. Lim asked not to be disturbed this morning." She told him with an apologetic grimace.

He couldn't help but frown a little at this unusual request.

"Why?"

"I don't know. She didn't mention anything else."

"How long has she been in there?"

"I'd say two hours or so."

Neil didn't answer back and walked towards the door.

"But-" The woman opened her mouth to say something but before she had the chance to, he had already entered Lim's office and closed the door behind him, almost to her face. She sighed in defeat, and went back to her desk, well knowing it was for her best not to interfere between these two.

The room was unusually quiet and empty. There was no sign of her. Her laptop was opened on her desk and her jacket was hung up on the coat rack. He could feel there was something odd. He waited a few seconds before calling her out.

"Audrey?"

After a few seconds, he heard her muffled voice from her private restroom.

"Over here."

Without hesitation, he went straight to the room and opened the door to find her knelt in front of the toilet.

"I'm fine." She cut him off without looking at him, before he could even say a word. She knew he would have probably stress out about this and that was the last thing she needed right now.

Right after she reassured him, another wave of nausea hit her hard, making her whimper in pain as she buried her face in the toilet bowl. It didn't take long before she started emptying the content of her stomach for the third time since this morning. Neil immediately rushed to her side and leaned over her huddled body.

"Here, let me do." He softly told her as he helped her gathering all the strands of her hair out of her face. He gently pulled them back and held them in a ponytail, while waiting patiently for her to finish.

He could see her body writhe as violent spams took hold of her abdominal muscles, and he felt bad seeing her suffering like that without being able to do anything to soothe her pain. He now understood why she hadn't been there in time for their meeting. She obviously hadn't been in great shape and surely hadn't been able to leave this room, even if she would have tried.

After a few minutes, she felt confident enough to straighten up and flushed the toilet. Neil had let go of her hair to grip her forearm instead and helped her getting up on her feet.

"Sorry." She breathed out.

"Don't be. You okay?" He asked, with a lot of concern showing on his face. She nodded and he let go of her arm as she walked to the sink.

"Morning sickness is really driving me insane these days." She hissed before rinsing her mouth with some water.

"I didn't know it was this bad." Neil frowned a bit.

"I'm trying not to show it much around here." She glanced at him with a knowing look.

They had agreed on not telling people yet about the pregnancy. It was way too early anyway, and they didn't want their situation to become the main topic of gossips around the hospital. Audrey wasn't showing yet that much, and she was convinced she could hide it for a few more months with loose-fitting clothes. She was almost sure some people were already suspicious, but there was nothing to worry about yet. So she was doing everything she could to hide even the slightest suggestive sign from everyone, including pretending she was fine when she wasn't.

"Have you told your doctor?"

"Yes, and she gave me some antiemetic."

"Well, obviously it isn't working." Neil answered more curtly than he would have thought.

"Listen," she sighed, turning around to face him and took his hand in hers. "This is really cute of you to worry like that, but I told you I'm fine. It's just a matter of time and soon enough it will fade away."

He looked into her eyes, and although he could hardly believe her when she said she was fine, his facial features relaxed a bit at the sight of her soft smile. He let out a slight sigh before nodding. They let themselves get lost in each other gaze for a while. There was no tension left between them, and it felt good to be able to stand in the same room without cutting each other's throat.

The past few days had been less stressful for Audrey. After her talk with Neil, the heavy weight that had been crushing her ever since had disappeared and she had been feeling more at ease with herself. She was still a bit nervous with the unknown as they still hadn't figure out how they would deal with this whole new thing, but she didn't mind the fact they were taking the slow way.

They hadn't really talked about _them_ yet. Neil had been clear about wanting to be involved in the baby's life, and for now it was enough for Audrey. She wasn't ready to speak her feelings out yet, or even consider giving them a second chance. Things were already complicated enough between them, so that would be one step at a time.

Neil, on the other hand, was still trying to process everything. He hadn't really gotten much sleep since Audrey told him he was going to be a father. His mind hadn't stopped running around in circle. He was both excited and scared at the same time, although he was trying not to show it much because it wouldn't do good to any of them. He'd always wanted a family of his own, it had never been a secret. But now that it was _really_ happening, he only became aware now of the big changes it would impact. One thing he had never been more so sure in his life was that he was ready to do it, as long as she was by his side.

Suddenly, she felt his thumb lightly stroking her hand. It snapped her out of her thoughts and she finally realized they were still holding hands. As soon as it hit her mind, she abruptly let go – to Neil's dismay – and cleared her throat.

"How did you get in anyway?" She frowned a bit, changing the subject. "I told Alisha not to let anyone in."

"Don't blame her." He shrugged, "It was all my fault. I didn't listen to her and made my way in."

"Of course you did." She rolled her eyes at him, smirking. She then walked out the room, with Neil following her closely.

"You still got time for that meeting?" She asked, checking her watch.

"I do. But we can postpone if you don't feel-" Neil stopped talking right away when she turned around to face him with her murderous look.

"I'm not postponing anything. I told you, I'm fine."

He held his hands up, not having the courage to butt heads with her.

"Alright, let's go then."

* * *

"Mrs. Johnson, how are you doing?" Neil asked as they both entered the room.

"Better now that you're here." The old woman gently smirked at him. Neil snorted, and shook his head.

"You never stop, don't you?"

"I'll stop when you'll finally agree on calling me Maria."

He sighed deeply, glancing at Audrey with a knowing smile. She returned the smile and took a step forward.

"Mrs. Johnson," She reached out her hand to the patient." I'm Dr. Audrey Lim, the chief of-"

"Oh, I know who you are." Maria immediately grabbed her hand between hers and pulled her slightly towards her. Audrey didn't expect her reaction and was a bit startled.

"He talks a lot about you." She leaned towards her and whispered, still loud enough for Neil to hear. Audrey raised her eyebrows and turned to look at Neil with a surprised look on her face.

"Oh, really?" She smirked.

He closed his eyes in disbelief, blushing a bit. "That's not- Can we go back to the real matter, please?"

"He's such a buzzkill." Maria kept whispering to Audrey, making her chuckle. She finally let go of her hand and Audrey stepped back next to Neil.

"I've got your results." He started talking, "I'm afraid the treatment isn't working well on your heart failure. I asked Dr. Lim to assist me on the case, but I think we'll have to consider a more complicated approach."

"What does that mean?" Maria frowned a bit. Neil inhaled deeply, and looked at Audrey. She nodded once, making him understand she was taking the lead from now on.

"The ACE inhibitors and Beta blockers we prescribed you didn't give the expected effect. In your case, when medications aren't enough we need to approach the problem in a different way." She explained.

"Is it the heart transplant?"

"We're not there yet. But it does involve surgery." She paused, "Dr. Melendez and I are possibly thinking of a coronary angioplasty or bypass."

Mrs. Johnson's face suddenly changed and she seemed completely lost.

"Don't worry, we'll give you all the possibilities and explain every procedure in details. You will then have the choice to accept or not." Neil kept going.

"Is it risky?"

"There is no such thing as zero risk in any surgical procedure. Considering your condition, it isn't insignificant." He took a step forward. "But if you don't do the surgery, there is even more risks for the heart failure to worsen."

"That doesn't leave me much choice then." Maria snorted and slightly lightened the mood. Both Neil and Audrey cracked a slight smile, even though the case was really worrying.

"For now, we'll give you some oxygen via a Nasal cannula to help your heart. We'll get back to you for the surgeries, but don't worry. You're in good hands with Dr. Lim." Neil smiled at his patient, and then glanced at Audrey.

"Oh, I have no doubts about that." She teased him, and blinked at him.

Audrey couldn't help but frown, looking oddly at Maria then Neil. Something was going on between those two, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to know.

Finally, Neil walked to the door and held it open for Audrey. She nodded at Maria, then walked out. When she reached Neil's height, she couldn't help but throw a suspicious glance at him.

"What?" He asked her innocently, hoping she wouldn't see his slight discomfort.

"Nothing." She shrugged, moving forward.

Neil then closed the door behind him, letting out a sigh he didn't even realized he'd been holding the whole time.

* * *

The day was finally over, the corridors were almost deserted since visits were over and doctors had either finished their shifts or taken the helm. Neil was walking towards the exit with his briefcase in his hand. The automatic doors opened in front of him, letting the icy wind rush in. As he stepped outside, he adjusted the collar of his coat and ducked his head to shield himself from the cold weather.

He was about to turn left towards his parking lot when he spotted a familiar silhouette in the distance. He didn't think twice and started running in the opposite way.

"Audrey!" He called her. She immediately stopped and turned around to find him walking towards her. She waited and they shared a smile as he finally arrived at her height.

"You're going to the bus stop?"

"Yes, I'm going home." She sighed. She was so tired she could feel a little dizzy at times. "It's been a long day."

"Tell me about it!" He sighed, and paused. "You know, my car is parked right there." He said, pointing at the parking lot behind him.

"I don't think that's a good idea." She pinched her lips.

"Let me give you a ride."

"Neil…" She warned him.

"What?" He frowned before grinning at her, "colleagues can give each other ride, right?"

She stared at him, thinking about the idea. It wouldn't be that bad, would it? Neil was just being nice, avoiding her long and painful bus ride home in the middle of the night.

"Come on, it's freezing out there and it's late." He nudged her gently with his elbow.

She sighed, looking around the place and rolled her eyes at him.

"Well, if it can save me from getting pneumonia…"

They shared a knowing look and smiled at each other. He let her take the lead, placing a hand in her lower back and they both walked side by side to his car.

The ride was quiet. Neil was focused on the road and Audrey was watching the streets going by through the window. It was slightly odd to be in the same car with him after the last events. It was easy to let herself imagine they were going home together after a painful shift as they used to do when they were still dating, but she quickly brushed the thoughts off her mind. After about ten minutes, Lim started glancing at Melendez from time to time. He seemed at ease, not tensed at all. She took the opportunity to strike up a conversation and finally break the comfortable silence.

"So, who's Mrs. Johnson?"

"What do you mean?" Neil gently frowned.

"She's not just a patient. You've got a soft spot for her, I can see it."

Neil shook his head lightly. He had always been amazed by how easy it was for her to see through him. Since med school, she had always been one of the few people who could figure him out and that's what finally made their relationship so special.

"I've known her for years. She has lost her husband and daughter in a car accident thirty years ago. She's been lonely ever since." He then shrugged, "I really appreciate her."

"I think the feeling is mutual." Audrey smiled, thinking back of how Mrs. Johnson was acting with him earlier in the day. She had rarely seen him so close to a patient in his entire career.

"Yeah, she likes teasing me a lot."

Audrey nodded quietly. There was something she had been dying to ask him since this afternoon, and she hesitated a few moments before finally speaking again.

"So, you talked to her about me?" She glanced at him, trying to gauge his reaction.

Neil snorted. He tightened his grip on the wheel and started shifting in his seat. He hadn't expecting her to dare broaching the subject. Yet here he was, finding himself in an awkward situation thanks to a beloved patient.

"Well, you know…" He waved his hand randomly, then nervously scratched his chin.

"Mm, not really. I'd like to hear the whole story, please." She couldn't help but bite her lip to contain her laugh. She was clearly enjoying watching him struggling that much.

"I-" He took a deep breath. "She can be very insistent sometimes. She likes to ask me lots of questions about my private life and well, I don't know how but she sensed something between the two of us and she hasn't stopped talking about you ever since." He finally blurred out.

He was hoping this would be enough for her but of course he should have known it wasn't her kind to drop it so easily.

"What did she say?"

Neil glanced at her.

"What? I'm just curious." Audrey widened her eyes, shrugging.

"Erh," He breathed out. "It's really not that interesting."

"Is it that bad?" She scoffed playfully, making Neil smile despite himself. "It's okay. I'll just have to ask her." She shrugged, looking back through the window.

He couldn't help but chuckle at the thought. If there was one thing Lim had always hated was approaching people to gossip with them, even more so when she was the main topic. He really couldn't picture her doing it.

"No, you won't." He grinned with confidence, glancing at her. He always liked challenging her.

She waited a few seconds, and then rolled her eyes at him.

"No, you're right. I won't." She finally admitted and they both ended up laughing. Slowly, the soft laughter faded away and they ended up with a smile plastered on their faces, quietly enjoying the rest of the ride.

After a while, Neil decided to turn on the radio to fill the silence. Though when he heard the song started to play, he told himself he'd be better off not doing it. The first notes could be heard and then the lyrics literally blew an icy wind onto the car.

_What am I supposed to do without you_

_Is it too late to pick the pieces up, too soon to let them go_

_Do you feel damaged just like I do_

_Your face it makes my body ache, it won't leave me alone_

_And this feels like drowning, trouble, sleeping, restless, dreaming_

Neil swallowed hard and glanced at Audrey, seeing her jaw tightening as she kept looking straight ahead at the road. He wondered if the song was spoking to her as well as it did to him, but then he knew she was really good at pretending she wasn't hurt and maintain a straight face.

_You're in my head, always, always_

_I just got scared, away, away_

_I'd rather choke on my bad decisions than just carry them to my grave_

_You're in my head, always, always, always_

_Cracks won't fix and the scars won't fade away_

_Guess I should get used to this, the left side of my bed's an empty space_

Out of a sudden, he rushed to turn the volume down. He cleared his throat, and they both glanced at each other. Audrey slightly smiled at him, not really knowing what to say.

"Um, you're feeling better after this morning?" He tried to change the subject.

"I'm good, just need some rest."

"Have you eaten something? I can make a turn somewhere if you're hungry."

"That sounds tempting, but the call of sleep is stronger than the food's."

Neil snorted, "Where is Audrey Lim and what you done to her?"

"Asshat." She hissed, smiling.

His smirk slowly faded away as he spotted her house in the distance.

"Here we are." He broke off the moment as he slowed down the car and stopped in front of her house. He wished the ride had been longer, but he was grateful for the short moment they had been able to share.

They both stayed quiet and seated for a brief moment, not really knowing what to say to the other. It was Audrey who finally broke the silence and spoke first.

"Thank you for the ride."

"You don't have to thank me for that." He softly smiled at her.

"It wasn't on your way home, you didn't have to do that. But you still did."

"Anything for you." He locked eyes with her.

In other times, she would have invited him to come over. But not tonight. She didn't want to cross the line, not again. She needed to stay focus on her baby and it implied protecting herself as well. She knew Neil wouldn't hurt her intentionally, but they did say a lot of mean stuff to each other over the past few months and caused a lot of unwanted pain. She didn't want that again.

Keeping him at a certain distance was also a way to help her dealing with her emotions. She wasn't sure she could resist him if she let her guard down again. She still had feelings for him, that was a certainty. But she was even more afraid of suffering and letting go than she had been before. It wasn't just the two of them anymore and they couldn't screw it up this time.

"Goodnight, Neil." She said, in a quavering voice.

"Goodnight, Audrey."

They both got a strange feeling of déjà vu, but chose to ignore it. She offered him one last smile before going out of the car. He watched her walking towards her house. He made sure she safely got inside and once her front door was closed, he finally drove off to his own house with a twinge in his heart.

_Tbc…_

* * *

**Oh my god, I thought I was never gonna update this one! I'm really sorry to keep you waiting between updates. I'm just having a hard time concentrating on my fanfictions since the Limlendez breakup… It took me weeks to sort this chapter out and I'm not even really convinced but well, I couldn't make you wait forever either haha. I used the song **_**Always**_** from Gavin James. You should listen to it if you haven't yet, this song is so beautiful and I feel like it had been written just for them! I also took some hints from deleted scene and used parallels, as you may have noticed ;) Oh and one last thing, I'm not sure Lim as a private restroom in her office, but well… I decided to put one for the well-being of my story haha.**

**Anyway, thank you for all the reviews you keep posting and for sticking around even though it was a long wait!**


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning, Audrey was snatched from her sleep by the painful shrill sound of the alarm. She grunted slightly and immediately turned off the satanic machine before sending it up straight against the wall. She rolled on her back, still groggy from the short night of sleep she had and instinctively stretched out her arm to the other side of the bed. She sighed, turning her head to the right and opened her eyes to find an empty cold space. She mentally cursed herself. It'd been quite a while since the breakup, yet she could sometimes still forget they weren't sharing the same bed anymore. This had been happening a lot lately, and she was getting desperate. She was missing him, and it was how her unconscious was trying to tell her.

_Stupid brain_.

She stared at the ceiling and started thinking about last night. She hadn't been able to shake off the odd feeling since she had come home. There were moments she hated how things had ended up between them. She was missing these good old times where things used to be easy and lighthearted. She wasn't regretting what happened between them, not a single second, but she just couldn't understand how things got out of control that nastily. Last night was just one more proof that things weren't the same between them anymore. She could still feel the awkwardness of the ride home and she felt a twinge of sadness pulling at her heart because if there was one thing they weren't before all this was being uncomfortable in each other's presence.

She brought her hand to her abdomen and rested it against her still flat stomach. She dared wondering if the situation between them would have been different if she hadn't ended up being pregnant with his child. Would they be still ignoring each other? Would he have still be that caring towards her? Or was he just trying to be nice? He had made it clear about wanting to be there for the baby. But what about her? What about them?

They never really took the time to discuss it. She wasn't even sure she wanted to discuss it with him yet. The thing was, she was stuck. It was getting more and more difficult to keep being objective around him. She wanted what was best for the baby, which means she wouldn't rush in a relationship with the father once again if she wasn't hundred percent sure, but she just couldn't ignore the butterflies she was still feeling in her abdomen whenever she would think of him either.

As she straightened up a little too abruptly to look at the time, she felt her stomach twist, reminding her that no, today would still not be free of morning sickness. She couldn't remember the last time she had woken up feeling something else but the sudden urge to throw up. She sighed, again and simply tried to ignore the heaviness in her abdomen and the odd feeling in her chest. She had told Neil that it was only a matter of time before the symptoms would disappear, but deep down she feared she would have to get used to the fact of feeling queasy for the rest of the pregnancy. Just the thought of spending the next 7 months feeling nothing but disgust whenever she would dare thinking about food gave her the irrepressible urge to scream in her pillow. Though she probably wouldn't have enough strength to do so. Instead, she threw her bedsheets away and sat at the edge of the bed, waiting for the tightness in her stomach to disappear.

"You're giving me a hard time little spawn, you know that?" She hissed at her lower abdomen. Suddenly, she realized what just happened. It was the very first time she spoke to her baby, and she felt a sudden warming feeling invading her chest. So, that was what it felt like? As she hardly hid her smile, she finally stood up and went straight to the bathroom, getting herself ready for the long day ahead.

* * *

Neil started his shift a bit later than usual that day. He had a surgery rescheduled and took the opportunity to use that time wisely. He had checked the planning before stopping at the small organic shop around the corner this morning. He had trouble finding a place to park and hadn't anticipated the endless line at the cash register. He was now walking at a quick pace through the whole hospital, hoping he wouldn't be too late.

He finally reached the right place and was relieved to see that the assistant's office was empty. It wasn't that he didn't like Alisha, but he felt that this woman was holding disregard for him and he never really knew why.

He approached her office, then softly knocked on the door and waited a few seconds.

"Come in." He heard her muffled voice from inside.

_Right on time_, he thought before entering.

Audrey looked up from her laptop and slightly straightened on her chair when she noticed who was her visitor.

"Hey."

"Hey," he answered back, "I know you have a fiscal management meeting with the board in a few. Actually, I was hoping you'd still be in your office."

Her eyes widened at the sudden reminder and she immediately checked the time at the bottom of her screen. She instantly calmed down, realizing she had still a good fifteen minutes ahead of her.

"Well, it's your lucky day." She smiled at him, before sighing. "I didn't realize the time."

"I won't be long. I was just passing by. I have something for you."

She tilted her head and looked at him with a curious look on her face. He didn't wait any longer and walked closer to her desk.

"This one is for you." He lifted one of the drinks from the cup holder he was holding and handed it to her.

She took it, not convinced and looked down at the cupboard with a suspicious glare, afraid it was a beverage that would make her even sicker than she already was. Noticing the weird look on her face, he immediately reassured her.

"Ginger iced tea." He paused, "I've done some research last night, and this is what came out. Ginger is known to be a good natural against morning sickness. I thought it could be worth giving a try." He shrugged.

Audrey slightly pouted and the features of her face softened as she stared at the cup, silently.

_No, no, no, no._ She was internally praying for the hormones to calm the fuck down. Now was not the right time to play the emotional one. _Get a grip on yourself!_

But at the same time… it was so sweet of him and unexpected. She had been so worn out from being sick all the time that she was willing to swallow any remedy if it would brush the queasy feeling off.

"You okay?" Neil asked, slightly frowning to her lack of response. He was starting to wonder if it wasn't a bad idea after all. But Audrey cleared her throat and forced a smile, looking up at him.

"Yes, I'm good." But giving the skeptical look on his face, she gave up and finally rolled her eyes. "It's just those freaking hormones. And with you being that nice with me, this isn't helping."

Neil chuckled, then his grin slowly disappeared. "I'm not where I should suppose to be, and… well, that's not what I meant." He sighed, "I'm just trying to be there for you and the baby, as much as I can."

He knew that by being separated from Audrey, he was going to miss out on a lot of things during the pregnancy. He already missed the very first appointment with the OB-GYN, and he'd rather not think about all the little things he wouldn't experience in the next few months. Yet he also knew that they were still adjusting to the situation, and deep down he was hoping for a second chance. No matter how much trouble they had faced and would still have to overcome, he couldn't picture his life without her in it anymore.

"Thank you." Audrey sadly smiled at him.

She well knew what he meant by not being where he was supposed to be, and her heart ached at the thought of it. It wasn't how she wanted things to be, but she had decided otherwise the night she left his house without looking back, after having told him that loving him wasn't enough. Oh, if only he could see this was all a lie.

As his gaze started to feel too heavy for her to bear, she did what she always did: finding a way out.

She broke eye contact with him and desperately started looking for something on her desk, anything that would give her an excuse to change the subject.

"I should get going, I'm running late for my meeting."

"Right, I'll leave you to it." Neil nodded. "See you later." He started walking out, and Audrey observed him with torment written all over her face. She opened her mouth to say something and took a breath, but the words got stuck in her throat. There was something that had been on her mind since a few days now and just never got the courage to ask him. She was seeing him getting closer to the door now and before she could let herself chicken out once again, she called his name.

"Neil," She let out.

His hand stopped at the handle of the door and his heart was now pounding so loud in his chest. He turned around, trying to maintain a straight face.

All she could do was blankly stare at him as he was waiting for her to say something.

_Now or never._

"I have another appointment schedule next week with my OB," She paused, "would you like to come with me?"

"I thought you already had your first trimester appointment?" He frowned, but then noticed the switch on her face and realized it wasn't the answer she had expected, and he suddenly felt stupid.

"I know. It's just that I've been quite tired and suffering a lot from morning sickness these past few weeks, so it's just another routine check-up."

"Oh, I see. But I-, Yes." He mumbled, "Of course, I'll be willing to go with you."

She softened at his brief and quiet uncomfortable smile. She nodded, then sighed.

"I'll see you later, then."

He nodded once, then left her office and let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding this whole time. He couldn't hide the smirk growing on his face, as he was walking to the elevators to get himself ready for his surgery.

* * *

Later that day, Audrey had finished all the paperwork that had grown roots on her desk over the past few days and could finally go home. She could see through the windows that darkness had already taken over the streets and that most of the visitors had left the hospital. The hallways and the patients' rooms were particularly quiet, which meant that she had once again stayed far too late.

After Neil had paid her a visit this morning, she had drunk the ginger iced tea, not convinced at all about the so-called good benefits. But she had to say that over the hours, the nausea had surprisingly lessened and she could finally get a break and enjoy the day. She couldn't suppress the smile growing in the corner of her mouth, just picturing him spending most of his night scrolling through some weird pregnancy forums just for her. She made a mental note to thank him later. If the time wasn't that indecent, she probably would have texted him.

She hadn't planned on wandering through the floors of the hospital at the end of her shift, but there were still some files she needed to drop at the nurses' station on the third floor and it couldn't wait tomorrow. The night shift was already on duty. She greeted the nurse quietly and put the documents in the drawer. She particularly appreciated these moments of respite within the walls of the hospital, where everything seemed paradoxically reassuring and calm. And yet, within these same walls, she was aware that some people were currently struggling to live while being hooked up to machines, some families were saying their last goodbye to a loved one, praying for a miracle…

As she walked around the counter to get back to the elevators, her eyes caught the sight of a patient. She couldn't help but stop and looked at her for a moment. This wasn't just any patients. It was Mrs. Johnson, laying on her bed, quietly watching through the window. Suddenly, Audrey noted she hadn't seen many people visiting her since she had been admitted here. Of course, she knew by Neil that her daughter and husband had died a long time ago, but what about her other relatives? The mere thought of this woman spending her days alone in this room with her only thoughts for company crushed her heart. She hesitated for a moment, knowing full well she shouldn't do this. Yet an irrepressible urge overwhelmed her, and she started walking towards her room. It was late, and she was getting terribly tired, only wishing to get home. But she also knew how much a simple attention could mean so much more to someone.

As she stood at the threshold, she softly knocked on the door to catch the lady's attention before stepping inside the room. Maria startled a bit, not expecting anyone to disturb her at this hour and turned her head to look at the visitor.

She immediately smiled.

"Dr. Lim, to what do I owe your presence?" She gently asked.

"I'm just checking on you." Audrey smiled at her turn.

"Isn't what nurses are supposed to do?"

Lim chuckled, as she stood at the foot of the bed. "You're right. But I thought I could pay you a visit before going home."

"Dr. Melendez usually tries to greet me every day, even for a few minutes. But it's been three days since he has come."

Audrey could hear the slight hint of disappointment and sadness in Mrs. Johnson's voice. She looked at her left and spotted the free chair.

"I know he's very busy, I'm not worried about it." The lady added.

"Well, I'm not as charming as Dr. Melendez, but I still can offer you some company tonight." She smiled, sitting down on the chair.

"But dear, you must be so exhausted. You should go home and get some rest."

Audrey shrugged, "my shift's over and I've nothing better to do right now."

She smiled again, determined to share a few of her free time with a lonely patient. Maria smiled in return, and stretched her hand out, in which Audrey slid hers immediately.


End file.
